My two sons and I witnessed Colombia’s historic defeat of Argentina during World Cup qualifying last fall. We were there as the crowd roared obscenities at the Argentinean players. And we were there when the crowd went nuts after a no-name Colombian defender scored a free kick on Argentina. So we thought we would never again see soccer fans as crazy as the Colombians in Bogotá.

But last week’s trip to see Messiah College, which has won five Division III national championships in the past eight years, reminded us that soccer fans can be wild even out in the Central Pennsylvania countryside. As we approached the stadium, security guards were patting down every one very carefully and big signs said, “All contraband will be confiscated” What would these nice Brethren in Christ students be trying to smuggle into the stadium? I wondered.

Turns out it was marshmallows, lots of marshmallows. Despite the security guards’ efforts, the students had bags and bags of marshmallows, which they threw onto the field when Messiah scored, or at any other point that seemed appropriate.

It was great to see the high spirits of the fans, but I felt sorry for whoever had to clean up the mess. They would probably prefer to be gathering up the big reams of paper thrown down into the stadiums in South America, instead of sticky little marshmallows. My sons, meanwhile, were delighted to be back among fans who take the game seriously.

At a musical concert last week, I had a conversation with a dad whose daughter had recently graduated from our high school. This particular student excelled in the classroom and was a very good soccer player on her club and high school team.

The father indicated that while his daughter’s heart was set on a full athletic scholarship, it was her hard work in the classroom that paved the way for an excellent college opportunity. She is fulfilling her soccer dream on both an academic and athletic scholarship, and is enjoying her college experience.

One of the things I brought up was the fact I never really saw this student athlete struggle. So I asked the father about it since I see my own kids struggle daily, which is bothersome.

He confirmed with me that she indeed DID STRUGGLE as a high-schooler.

Afterward, I felt comforted and relieved to know here was a person who epitomized the pure definition of a successful student athlete but also went through her share of adversity, yet everything turned out OK.

In the end, it is nice to know, we are not alone. Sometimes the picture is painted of successful athletes that it’s just a tiptoe through the tulips as they make the journey. I think it may give us unnecessary anxiety when our own face adversity, as if something wrong were happening to us.

What about you? Do your kids go through struggles?

I’ve played and coached conditions in ranging from hard cold rain, summer lightning and thunder, scorching heat, and even, once, had an Under-10 team running around on top of a frozen field. Their cleats did not sink in, at all.

I’ve always been a little proud of the fact that in soccer, the game, like the show, must go on. But this past Saturday made me question all that a little. We were supposed to play a team in our Under-12 boys’ league that is about 45-minutes away from us and the forecast and the satellite images showed that it was going to be cold and pouring. The other coach and I got on the phone and agreed to try to pull strings to get the game postponed until Sunday, but our idea was shot down by his commissioner.

As we drove to the field at 3 in the afternoon, people had their head lights on because it was so dark from the rain clouds. The rain was coming down hard. I was worried about being out on the highway inside in a car, much less out on a soccer field. Some of the parents driving to the game witnessed a really bad accident. But as you would expect, by the time we got there and waited 45 minutes, the rain had slowed and the only really bad problem with the field was the large puddle in front of one of the goals. “Just keep the ball away from your keeper,” the ref said, telling us to go ahead and play.

The kids played and played hard. Both teams were a little off on their passing and ball control. The ball was skipping in odd directions and not doing what the kids expected when they took a touch. The other team dominated the first half and we dominated them the second half. At the end of the game, the score was tied, 2 to 2, which was a little disappointing. But the most important thing is that nobody was hurt and hopefully everybody got warm and dry quickly and did not get sick.

By the time your kid decides to join a new club, you probably know a little something about the coach. You should at least know his or her name.

All kidding aside, if you’ve done the minimum amount of homework, you have some knowledge about his resume, his philosophy and his ground rules. You may or may not have had a personal conversation with him about your child and what he considers to be their role on the team, but if you have any concerns about playing time you should absolutely have had a talk with him before making the final decision. At least that’s my two cents worth. So, why do parents feel the need to bash the coach when they don’t think their kid is playing enough? Often, it’s because they have an inflated idea of just how good their kid is and who else are they going to blame?

I got a taste of one of these parents this past weekend and I was so disappointed. We’re new to the team and as such, new to the parents as well. I hadn’t had much interaction with this parent to date, but on this particular weekend I couldn’t seem to get away from her. It was an important game and we didn’t really show up for it, probably a case of feeling a bit superior and getting a big surprise…the other team won. Okay, it was an own goal, but a goal is a goal is a goal…..

Regardless, her opinion of why we were having such a hard time was because her daughter was sitting on the bench. She just couldn’t understand why the coach didn’t put her in, she could make such a difference! Well, he finally did. Her first mistake was being about 5 yards offside on a beautiful through ball and the second, third and fourth things she did before she was taken out was to pass the ball to the other team! Of course, the mother pontificated that if she had been allowed to stay in long enough to “get her rhythm going”, the game would have turned out much differently. No doubt….

This is not about the kid, she is adorable. It’s about being realistic. And it’s about being fair to the coach. Most of them want to win and to do that you have to play the best players and play them as long as you can-especially in high-level soccer. My guess is that she would get a little more time in an area league and a lot more time in recreational ball, but that’s just my opinion. Well, okay, the coach feels that way, too. Mom disagrees, and everybody knows it.

How do you deal with complaining parents?

Today my kid scored two important goals, helping his team win a portion of a conference championship. Yet, this was NOT his greatest game. He’ll probably get some kind of mention for the goals, but I thought that he played better in the previous 4 games. And yet, he missed another sure goal; he set up two different teammates that should have scored.

When you’re a parent of a good player, you want to give honest feedback. And when your relationship reaches a point in which both parent and child are truly honest with each other, you kind of fear to tread on feelings that might be a little sensitive–on nerves that are exposed a lot because of the pressure of being a top-flight team.

I’ve seen other kids play and I have opinions about them. There are about 12 kids out there playing D1 soccer that I keep up with. And invariably, with both their parents and them, as their former coach, I praise them to the hilt. And yet, especially from the player and the knowledgeable parents, I get some very honest comments and they ask for my evaluation.

I think the result is always important. “Even though you got the result you wanted, I would suggest that you….” (fill in the blank). “Although you didn’t win, at least….” (fill in the blank here, too.). There is a type of appropriate talk that I think helps in each situation–be they with your kids or other players.

I think they might even want to talk to you again if you follow my suggestion.

What do you think? Is providing feedback something of a minefield?

I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks, hoping to shake the feeling, but it’s just not happening.

I wonder how many of us soccer parents really get the enormous responsibility we have to behave as mature adults whenever, ultimately, some kind of controversy between teams arises. Most of us, hopefully, want our kids to go out and play a hard-fought, clean game-the kind that you walk away from feeling that you’ve given it your best, whether or not you won, and didn’t let your emotions get the best of you. It’s awful to walk away from a game that you not only lost, but in which you might have lost some friends as well. Actually, in this case, the girls are fine with each other, it’s the parents who really ended up being the losers.

This happened to our team a couple of weeks ago when the before game banter on the internet, between parents, blew up into so big of a deal over nothing that longtime friends no longer speak to each other and parents have actually been removed from the teams distribution list!
It all unfolded innocently when a Regional soccer matchup was rescheduled by the administrator to a date and location that the “A” team felt advantaged the “B” team, which, granted, on the surface probably did seem that way.

What the “A” team failed to consider is that the “B” team had no say in this whatsoever, so the parents on the”A” team began to “express” their discontent. Of course, that led to a parent on the “B” team making a snide comment and the war was on. It progressed to insults, threats, etc. to the point that some players were afraid to walk on the field for fear of retribution. One man on the “A” team even went so far as to threaten litigation against two parents on the “B” team in particular if his daughter happened to be hurt during the game.

Fortunately, the girls showed up and played with the dignity that their parents lost, and the “A” team that was forced to travel, on a school night no less, ended up being the best team. It didn’t seem particularly contentious, no one was hurt, and, as in every game, one side went home happy, the other not so much. But what was the hardest pill to swallow was seeing the way everyone avoided eye contact after the game. These two teams had been travel partners and, up until this point, had really enjoyed each other’s company as a friendly rivalry.

We have seen them since and obviously the damage has been done-and to what end? Do we, as parents, really have that much at stake here? Do we not realize that the way we behave embarrasses our kids, or do we just not care? Soccer has such a positive effect on our kids, it’s a shame to ruin even a second of their time on the field due to our petty differences.

Do you see this kind of thing with your team?

“I’m not yelling, I’m just trying to be heard,” I used to tell my husband when he criticized me for yelling at our children.

I continue to have this problem as a coach. I’m not yelling, I’m just trying to talk over the wind, the other practice that’s going on, or in the case of last weekend’s tournament, a freight train going by.

My assistant coach has a loud deep voice that he sometimes uses to great effectiveness and sometimes allows to degenerate into angry yelling. The other day my 11-year-old complained about all the yelling after practice.

I felt bad because I know it’s no fun to play when you are being yelled at. One time my women’s team once asked one of the husbands to coach us but we fired him right away because he yelled too much. So my assistant coach and I have met and talked about how we are going to try to cut back on the yelling. We’re going to sub kids out and talk to them if they need advice, and we’re going to have a consequence – like running laps – for misbehavior during practice.

What do you think? Do good coaches ever yell? How do you as a parent handle a yelling coach?

Top Tournaments and Regional versus Premier at the U-18, high school senior age-are they really worth the time and expense? By this time in your soccer career, if you are going to play in college you have more than likely already committed to the school of your choice. If you haven’t, I am thinking that it’s a little late to be seriously recruited, but am willing to concede that might not be the case.

(Editor’s Note - Despite all the early recruiting, there are still plenty of players, probably the majority in D1, who commit during their senior year of school).

When my daughter began the search for a new team for her last year of club soccer, she had already committed to play in college at a rigorously academic school. Having played regional club soccer a couple of seasons ago, she knew the demands on her time and really didn’t want all the traveling this last year. Along with the senior project, various social events she wanted to attend, and the demands that were being placed on her academically because of the school to which she committed, she joined what she believed to be a perfectly good, competitive premier level team, competing solely within the boundaries of our beautiful state.

She was very happy with her decision until, guess what? They made it into region play, after all. Following the initial shock and an evaluation of the schedule and the venues, we decided it wasn’t that bad after all. It would also be better competition-wise.

Some of the other parents on the team who have kids who have not yet committed seem to think that we need to go to all of the top tournaments so that their child has the chance to be seen and I’m wondering if it is worth all the extra time and money. We are part of the team, and as such, will go with the flow no matter how much we really can’t afford to, because we made a commitment when she joined. And I’m not complaining, it’s still fun, no matter whether you need to go, or not.

At any rate, we voted (secretly, so that no one would know how you cast your ballot!) on whether or not to attend some of these tournaments and it looks like the majority ruled not to go. And now I’m sad, go figure!

What do you think? I’d love to hear your success stories from playing regional soccer and attending these tournaments in your senior year!

My son was sitting on the bench for his team’s last middle school soccer game this week. He sprained his ankle in the second to last game and he was still too sore to play. After getting it checked at the doctor’s office and resting it for the rest of the day, we drove to the game so he could be with his teammates on the last day.

The season definitely had its highs and lows. There was the day, after two days of practice, when the coaches told him he would be down on the B team with the seventh graders. He was an eighth grader and wanted to quit. Then there was the day, about a month later, when he scored a goal and had an assist in the B game and was sent over to the A game at half time. He was playing midfield in the A game when there was one of those scrambles around the 18 of the other team’s net. My son watched for a moment, then pounced on a loose ball and shot low and hard to the left side of the net. Goal!

“I set a middle school record today,” he said in the car on the way home. “Nobody has ever scored a goal in both games before.”

Now we just need to figure out what to do next. His age group does not have a local travel team since all the good players play premier. He’s hesitant to keep playing with the seventh graders but it might be the only option.

As his soccer-crazy mother I want to find a team where he is happy. That shouldn’t be too hard, should it?

Lately I’ve been wondering about what kind of impact a good captain can have on a soccer team.

I got a very interesting answer last night. My 11-year-old boys travel team has been sharing a field with an Under-14 girls recreational team. The first time we scrimmaged the girls, we lost 3 to 1. The girls’ goalkeeper was on fire and they had a central midfielder who drove everybody relentlessly. It was neat to see how assertive this girl – I’ll call her Nancy — was. She was skilled and vocal, organizing them especially well on offense.

My boys team is playing in an 8 v. 8 league and it had been a while since we’d played on a full-sized field. But we should have done better. The girls were beating us to loose balls and passing better. Yesterday we scrimmaged the older girls again and the change on the field was incredible. I thought maybe the girls’ coach was using a different line-up. The girls watched the boys pass around them, and their attack was disorganized. Then the coach made a bunch of changes and we continued to dominate them completely. Our goalkeeper was lonely and bored as we maintained possession and shot.

“The boys are playing much better!” one of the other coaches said, as we rolled to a 4 to 0 victory. But I paused to listen to the girls on the field for a moment and I realized what the big difference was: No Nancy.

Is an on-field motivator and leader such an important thing to a team?