Flopping. Diving. Faking. Acting. Hamming. Shamming.

“What’s in a name? By any other name would stink so bad?”

That’s Shakespeare … uh, paraphrased.

Might as well have been. Because in soccer, flopping can be every bit as theatrical as Romeo & Juliet.

It’s an art and a science. It’s frowned upon but encouraged. No one admits to doing it, but everyone acknowledges it happens.

And when mastered properly, it is undeniably effective.

Arms flailing; grown men hollering and rolling around on the pitch – almost always clutching their ankle (never mind that the contact occurred above the waist); it’s essentially your glorified toddler tantrum.  

And it’s all done in the name of drawing a foul.

“Flopping ruins the rhythm of a game,” said South Jersey SC midfielder Giovanni Tacconelli. “It can definitely change the game if someone is sent off the field because of it.”

Ok, so we agree that flopping is beneath the intent of the game, right?

“We have to remember that it is part of the game,” said Molly Poletto, of the Colorado Rush. “If you are down one and you can go into the box and draw a penalty kick (you’re going to try to).”

Ok, so flopping is ok then, if done properly?

Said LAFC Chelsea’s Mariah Winters: “If that’s the only option left, some flops can be done responsibly.”

Sounds like a beer commercial. We’re more confused than when we started.

So is flopping a real issue or just an accepted annoyance that is irrevocably a part of the equation? – like the distant relative you’d prefer to vote off the family island, but can’t.

“I really don’t think that flopping is that prominent in the girls’ game,” said Eclipse Select goalkeeper Darcy Hargadon.

It’s settled, then. It’s a guy thing.

“I do consider it a problem,” said Winters … a girl.

Sigh.

One thing virtually every player can agree on is that flopping is something they’ve seen but have never done personally.

For a soccer player, the mere question feels interrogative, and everyone has an alibi.

‘I’m a defender.’ ‘I’m a goalkeeper.’ ‘I don’t play soccer … what’s flopping?’

Yeah, whatever.

Everyone knows somebody who has flopped, though. Or knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody …

“A couple years ago a girl threw herself on the ground screaming and crying,” Winters said. “When the ref ignored her, two minutes later she hopped up and sprinted after the ball completely fine.”

“One I remember is when a player got hit lightly on the chest and went down holding his face,” said Cara Wells of FC Milwaukee. “When people overdue it and roll around it’s really embarrassing and makes them look stupid.”

But who are these self deprecating people who throw themselves around the pitch at the expense of appearance? It obviously isn’t you. It ain’t me.

Who are these mysterious floppers? … If we can even agree to call them that.

You can call it what you want, player. It is what it is.